In 2008 and again in 2012, Madison Park Church of God in Anderson, IN asked different groups of people for their questions. The questions could be about anything. The group in 2008 was primarily from inside the church and the group from 2012 was from primarily outside the church. The questions were paired down to the top 10 questions and then each question was the subject of a Sunday morning sermon. Pastor Jim Lyon attempted to provide answers based on a biblical framework.
My brother leads a Wednesday night bible study and has been leading the class through this series of questions. Pastor Jim wrote a book based on the 2008 series and the class used that as a study aid. Since there is no book for the second series and the class wanted to have something in their hands to help them focus and remember, I have attempted to outline the questions from the 2012 series. There is no outline for question 10 and question 9 was pretty rough, so here is the outline for question 8.
Here is the video of the sermon by Jim Lyon:
http://vimeo.com/49170226
Madison Park Church of God
Jim Lyon
Marriage & Divorce
Question:
“My husband hasn’t cheated on me, he doesn’t beat me, he claims to be a Christian, I claim to be a Christian, and yet, we fight constantly, mainly about sex, and our children. There are times that I feel like divorce is the best answer, for me, and for the kids, but my Christian convictions keep me in what I would call a bad marriage. Is divorce ever the answer for a Christian couple? I am so conflicted. Everyday.”
- The question is not new. It has been asked for centuries.
- Every culture and every civilization asks the question, “How do we define marriage and how do we permit divorce?”
- Marriage has always been a fundamental, elemental building block of human relationships and civilizations.
- Marriage & divorce have huge implications for everyone around us.
- It is not just about us.
Marriage & Divorce are handled differently in different cultures.
Islamic culture
Shi’ite branch allows for temporary marriage – Nikah mut‘ah
- Marriage viewed as a contract
- Dowry must be paid to the woman’s family
- If a virgin, the woman must have the permission of her father or grandfather
- The male has no restrictions as long as the contract has a specified term. 30 minutes, 3 days, etc
- Historically used by men traveling away from home.
Western culture views marriage & divorce much differently
Six leading truths about divorce
- Lack of communication. Feelings are not discussed.
- Expectations are not clear and not understood.
- Children of divorced parents are more likely to divorce. (This is not a rule, but is nevertheless true statistically.)
- People married before the age of 23 are more likely to divorce.
- Couples living together before marriage are more likely to divorce.
- An unemployed husband is more likely to get a divorce.
What does the Bible say?
Ephesians 5:21-25 (NLT)
Spirit-Guided Relationships: Wives and Husbands
21And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. 25For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.
Ephesians 5:28 (NLT)
28In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.
Ephesians 5:31-33 (NLT)
31As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” 32This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
- Note that Paul quotes from Genesis that marriage is defined by Heaven as between one man and one woman.
- This is universal throughout the Bible. It starts in Genesis, it is quoted by Jesus and it is quoted by Paul. It is universal throughout the Old Testament, through the teaching of Jesus and the letters in the New Testament.
- Women are called to respect, honor and cooperate with their husbands.
- Men are called to a higher standard. Husbands are to LOVE their wives as Christ loved the church.
- How did Christ prove his love for the church? His concept of self-denial and sacrifice was so great, that He put Himself on a cross.
- Husbands are called to love their wives with this same level of self-denial
- Husbands, should not imagine that their wives owe them this respect until they have proven that they are worth it.
- Husbands have the first calling and wives respond
Fundamental principals
- Women, if you are going to get married, you are going to have to honor your husband.
- Men, if you are going to get married, you are going to have to love like Jesus loved.
- If you cannot do it this way, then DON’T GET MARRIED!
The question indicates that arguments over sex spill over into other areas of life, so what are some fundamental principals about that?
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (NLT)
3The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. 4The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
- Never allow your sexuality to become an instrument of manipulation or means of controlling a relationship.
- If sexual needs are unmet in a marriage, satan will be in the middle of it.
What does the Bible say about leaving?
1 Corinthians 7:10-11 (NLT)
10But for those who are married, I have a command that comes not from me, but from the Lord. A wife must not leave her husband. 11But if she does leave him, let her remain single or else be reconciled to him. And the husband must not leave his wife.
- Sometimes separations happen and can be useful to help restore the marriage, but you are not just free to leave and remarry. Heaven still sees you as married, even if you do not live together.
1 Corinthians 7:15 (NLT)
15(But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.)
- Corinth was a sexually charged city and Paul was writing to a group of people who wondered if it might be better to give up sex altogether. Maybe even dump their spouse and somehow live more “pure” lives.
So, is divorce ever an option?
- The scripture says we should get married for a lifetime.
- The scripture also acknowledges that divorce happens.
- Maybe the concept comes down to leaving. Who left?
- Sometimes we, in the church, mistake what happens in a secular courtroom with what Heaven really knows.
- The people who go to a courthouse and file divorce papers are not always the ones by the measure of Heaven who caused the divorce.
- Sometimes people have to go to the courthouse to acknowledge the reality of what already is.
- Sometimes husbands or wives manipulate their spouses into filing for divorce so that they can pretend they are more pious, when in fact they abandoned the marriage a long time ago.
- Heaven knows who left the marriage. You do not have to leave the house to leave the marriage.
- Never pursue a divorce without good counseling.
- Make sure that your decision to leave or to stay in a marriage is based on what is best for your spouse.
- Know this. Jesus is Lord and he can do things that no one can imagine if you will acknowledge Him as Lord.
- The Lordship of Jesus in your Life will make the difference.
- You strive to live to these principals and God will honor you, no matter what your spouse does.
